Watch This
by x0x-Mystique-x0x
Summary: For a Muggle Studies Project, Lily and James are paired together, to watch over a baby, for a month...with NO magic! One Problem:Whenever they are within ten feet of each other, chaos breaks loose. How will they survive? Watch this ...
1. Chapter 1

**A short Lily/James fanfic solely written to ease my boredom. I hope you enjoy it.**

Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry Potter, or Harry Potter related themes in this story. All of that good stuff belongs to J.K Rowling and Warner Bros. -gets down on knees- Please don't sue me.

**Lily/James - Humor/Romance - Hope you enjoy**

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_January 16th 1977 _

"How'd you do Lils?" A Japanese girl asked, trying to peer over-top, a piece of parchment.

Another girl with blonde hair rolled her eyes, "Must you even ask? She probably got an 'O', leaving us mere mortals behind."

Lily however remained silent, staring at her paper as if it were her death sentence. Her eyes were transfixed on one thing on the piece of the parchment … one thing that threatened to ruin her career as she knew it … and that one thing was …

"An 'A'…?" Lily finally choked out desperately, looking at the huge 'A' scrawled in red ink over her essay.

"_What?" Her two friends demanded, gathering around her, and looking at her essay. _

Lily nodded grimly. "That's it … it's over! Over! … Now, I'll never get a good job … my Head Girl badge will be taken from me … no one will want to hire me … I'll have no money, never be able to get an apartment … my parents will kick me out … and I'll live in a CARDBOARD BOX ON THE STREETS!" Lily wailed hysterically, almost banging into a suit of armour in the process.

The two other girls, exchanged looks over Lily's head that clearly read: 'She's-going-mental-again'.

True, this had happened before … Lily's rambling that is. But only if she got a comment saying '…This essay would've benefited from you putting in …' accompanied with an 'Outstanding'. But Lily getting an 'Acceptable' … in Muggle Studies, none-the-less was something that had always had a slim-to-none chance of happening --- until now.

"Lily you need to calm down --- take a deep cleansing breath …" Mina instructed with a twinkle in her oriental Japanese eyes.

Lily gave her friend a glare, but breathed in nonetheless; calming down considerably, but still staring forlornly at her essay.

"There now, don't you feel better?" Serena; Lily's other blonde haired friend asked, in a mock-motherly voice.

Lily grumbled something under her breath, and muttered the password to the Fat Lady, who swung open to grant them access to the Gryffindor Common Room. She pushed her way roughly past some second years, and made a bee-line straight for her favourite armchair by the fireplace.

Sitting in that chair was the only thing that would calm Lily down in a moment such as this. She sighed as she saw the tall back of the chair and moved around to the front to sit down in it … unfortunately for her, it also happened to be someone else's favourite armchair as well.

"Potter!" Lily growled in frustration, when she saw the black-haired boy reclining in _her _armchair. "Get-off!" She hissed between clenched teeth.

James smiled coolly up at her. "You're welcome to sit in it if you want … but I'm not moving anytime soon." He offered gesturing to his lap.

Mina plopped down onto the hearth rug in front of the fire, and Serena took a seat on the couch next to where James was sitting.

Lily gritted her teeth, and pulled out her wand, "Don't make me do something _you'll _regret, Potter."

James mocked, fright and put a hand over his heart, "No Lily, please don't … I'm begging you …" He put on a high pitched imitation of a girl's voice.

Lily let out a little shriek of frustration, and pointed her wand at James' face, and quickly muttered something. A jet of grey light shot out of the tip of her wand, but James lazily deflected it with a flick of his own wand, and it went flying back at Lily.

The beam of light made contact with Lily's head, and there was a puff of smoke and a shriek. The common room fell dead quiet, and everyone waited with bated breath as the smoke cleared away. As soon as the smoke vanished, there was a split second of silence before everyone … including Mina and Serena, burst out in hysterical laughter.

James was practically hooting with laughter.

Lily frantically transfigured on of the nearby cushions into a mirror and brought it up to look at her face, letting out a high pitched shriek, when she saw her reflection.

Everyone stopped laughing, except James, Serena and Mina. James was still rolling around with mirth, while Serena had buried her face in the couch, but her shaking shoulders were enough proof to show she was still laughing. Mina kept on shooting glances up at Lily as her laughter got louder and louder.

James brushed a tear out of his eye, and looked directly at Lily, "So …er … what exactly were you trying to transfigure me into?" James chuckled, eyeing Lily's hair, which had turned into a poof of grey feathers, on top of her head, and were falling to the floor as she shook with anger.

Lily seethed, "A goose." She answered, raising her chin proudly, as if it were the last possible solution to keep her extremely wounded dignity.

James changed her hair back into it's red waves, and she gave him a look, mingled with a shred of thanks, and a hell of a lot of anger.

"Come, sit down." James said, abruptly taking her hand, and pulling her down into his lap. When Lily made no move to struggle, and didn't harm him, he raised an eyebrow, at Mina, over Lily's head.

"Okay, let me get this straight." He said to Lily, "You're sitting in my lap, and yet, all my body parts remain intact." Lily nodded numbly.

James sat up straighter, "Okay, something's wrong." He declared, concern coming instantly into his eyes.

"You're telling me." Lily mumbled, un-crumpling her essay, and going back to staring at her 'A'.

"You got an 'A'?" James asked, with disbelief. Lily nudged him, hard in the ribs. "And here I was thinking that, the old bat was only being unfair to me." James winced, rubbing his ribs.

"What?" Lily asked, spinning around slightly in his lap.

"Muggle Studies is my easiest class, so basically my surprise was as great as yours when I found out she gave me an 'E'." James told her, emphasizing his grade, knowing it would annoy Lily.

"You got an 'E'!" Lily yelled. "Okay, that's it. I'm talking to her, and _demanding_ a re-do or something! Getting the 'A', I can stand …" Lily said, as Mina gave an audible cough of disagreement. Lily continued as if there had been no interruption, " … but Potter, getting a higher grade on something that me … that's _got_ to be a definite mistake!"

"Hello, I'm sitting right here." James interjected. Lily ignored him and jumped off of his lap, and without another word, headed for her Head Dormitory.

Mina, James and Serena watched her retreating back. "How do you guys stand her everyday?" James asked in a low voice.

"Answer that question, and you've figured out my life." Serena answered, letting her head fall against the couch.

XXXXX

True to her word, Lily arrived first at the door of the Muggle Studies classroom, the next day.

Fifteen minutes before class started!

"Lily, you're not really going to ask for a re-do are you?" Serena asked apprehensively, biting on the tip of her fingernail.

"And let my future go down the drain?" Lily demanded. "I'm surprised Dumbledore hasn't asked for my badge yet!"

Serena sighed, and watched as Lily watched the closed door to the classroom with rapt attention. Finally … the door opened, and everyone headed inside. Mina and Serena watched as Lily took her normal seat next to the window, and they went and sat down next to her.

As usual, The Marauders sauntered in last, laughing loudly at something or other. Lily gritted her teeth, and watched as they took their seats. James and Sirius were kind of like the leaders of the group of four. Remus Lupin was basically the sanity of the group, and Peter was … er … Peter was the tag-a-long guy.

James had made it his duty to sit across from Lily, since their first class, so that he could constantly whisper things to her to distract her from her work. He sat down in his seat, and flashed her a smile, his hand running through his hair, unconsciously.

"Settle down!" Professor Lain called from the front of the class. She was like a mirror image of Professor McGonagall, except with a few minor details. Her hair for one was dark brown, she had no glasses, and she was about two heads shorter than their Transfiguration Professor.

When she saw that no one had paid the slightest attention to her, she bellowed, "PAY ATTENTION!" At the top of her little lungs (which weren't that little.)

The class fell silent.

"Good." She smiled sweetly. "Now, continuing from out lesson yesterday --- Miss Evans, a question already?" The professor simpered.

Lily nodded, lowering her hand.

"Well, lets hear it then." Lain said in a somewhat bored voice, paying no attention to Sirius, who was hopping up and down in an imitation of Lily.

Mina threw a ball of paper at his head, and got him to shut up. Lily smiled at her in thanks and cleared her throat lightly.

"Well Professor … the essay we got back yesterday, I feel was graded a tad," She put her thumb and forefinger a millimetre apart, " a tad, bit _unfairly_."

The Professor, raised her eyebrows, "Do you now, Miss Evans?"

Lily continued, "And I was wondering, whether you would give us a chance … the people who feel that they deserve a better grade, that is … a second chance." Lily finished somewhat lamely.

The Professor seemed to study Lily for a minute before walking out from behind her desk. "Who feels the same way as Miss Evans?" She asked.

James hand shot into the air almost immediately. Sirius poked James in the back of the head, "Prongs." He hissed.

But James paid him no mind, and kept his hand in the air. Some other student hesitantly raised their hands, looking around the room. Lain, nodded, counting under her breath.

"Very well then." She said suddenly. "If you want to make up for it, I have just the project for you. If you complete this assignment then your current mark will be replaced with the mark from this project."

Lily beamed, and nodded her head.

Lain continued, "Since our next unit was on the study of Muggle families, you might as well get a head start. So for this project, you will be required to look after," She picked up an object off of her desk, and pointed her wand at it, transfiguring it into a small doll that looked like a baby, "… like I was saying, you'll be required to look after a baby for a required period of time … the Muggle way. _No magic_." She emphasized.

Sirius grinned, "This'll be a piece of cake. Just take it and keep it in our dorm."

Lain smirked, "No, its not quite that simple Mr Black."

"What?" Lily and Sirius asked at the same time.

"Looking after a baby in a muggle family requires time, patience, and co-operation to the highest degree. So to test you in these skills, you'll be assigned a partner to take care of this baby with you. Wherever you go, the baby goes, if the baby doesn't sleep, you don't either, you feed it, you change it, you clean it …"

Lily was seriously starting to reconsider as she heard what had to be done. And it seemed like most of the class was doing the same.

Sirius raised his hand slowly, "Is it too late to back out?" He asked.

"Yes." Lain answered simply, "Now, to test your patience and willingness you and your partner will look after this baby for a month. If anything goes wrong it will turn back into this object," She pointed at the small spherical objects on her desk.

"Do we get to pick our own partners?" Mina asked.

Lain put on a mock-thoughtful face. "Let me think about that … No!"

There was a collective groan.

"Now --- for your partners." She walked down the rows, naming off of the partners. "Judy Smith, Ron McLean. Danielle Thomas, Warrington Duke. Mina Sakemoto, Sirius Black. Serena Hudson, Remus Lupin." She paused when she got to Lily's desk.

"So who should you pair with?" She looked around the classroom, and then smiled when she saw who would be suitable for Lily's partner. "Ah, well then we have: Lily Evans and … James Potter."

There was a resounding crash in which the vase next to Lily's next shattered on the floor. "WHAT?"

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**-Gulps- Well there is the first chapter. Please tell me what you think. If almost everyone who reads this, leaves a review, I'll continue this. But if I have minimal interest, then I won't bother. Was it good? Bad? Really bad? I dunno ... think of something. lol.**

-Jasmine x0x


	2. Stinky Diapers

**Hey guys, I'm SO sorry, for taking this long to update. Life is just so hectic right now, and i sincerely apologize for not updating sooner. I wrote a longer chapter, than what was planned, to make up for it. And again, I am so sorry. Also as a side note, if anyone wants me to respond to their reviews, just mention it at the end of your review, and I'll gladly respond to you. Cheers. **

**Chapter 2: Stinky Diapers**

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"So who should you pair with?" She looked around the classroom, and then smiled when she saw who would be suitable for Lily's partner. "Ah, well then we have: Lily Evans and … James Potter."

There was a resounding crash in which the vase next to Lily's next shattered on the floor. "WHAT?"

The Professor flicked her wand, and the vase mended. "Yes, Ms Evans, now please take your seat."

"B-but, I-I can't work with _him_." Lily pleaded. "Please, please, give me another partner! _Please_ Professor."

The Professor sighed, "No, Ms Evans, I am not going through the trouble of assigning everyone else partners just because of you. Now-sit-down."

Lily looked from her teacher to James who was sitting there coolly, and looking at Lily like she was some sort of entertainment, he had a smirk on his face, when he noticed she was looking at him. His hand unconsciously ran through his hair.

Lily seethed, she felt like slapping the smirk off of his arrogant face. She clenched and unclenched her hands at her sides, and tried again, to convince her teacher.

"Professor, could you ---,"

"No."

"Could I ---?"

"No."

"Please, if you would just ---,"

"No, no and no Ms Evans!" Professor Lain shouted. Several people were heard sniggering in the background, and Lily could feel someone pulling on her hand to get her to sit down. She yanked her hand away, and knowing that the teacher was not about to change her mind, she rounded on James.

"You! Why you?" Lily demanded, fiercely. "In _every single_ ruddy class, you some how end up being my partner! Why!"

James shrugged nonchalantly.

"Ms Evans take your seat this second, unless you want detention for a week, cleaning chamber pots with Mr Filch!" Lain warned, pointing a short finger at Lily.

Lily looked like she was about to burst, but she sat down slowly, muttering something under her breath.

Class passed painfully slow, for Lily, and amazingly well for James, who felt like heaven had finally made some room for him on earth. This was going to be his chance to prove to Lily that he was not as bad as she made him out to be.

"Can you believe my luck?" James asked enthusiastically. "The best project of the year, and I get paired with Lily!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and watched his friend practically skip blindly down the hall.

"Oi Prongs! You're about to bang into that…" There was a loud crash, " …wall." Sirius finshed with a grimace.

Lily on the other hand was carrying the baby out of class, with her friends, "Why must I be stuck with the bad luck!" She asked to no one in particular, letting the very realistic doll grab her fingers in its little fist.

"They're so cute." Serena cooed, from behind Lily, tickling her doll, as it let out a little gurgle.

"They're so much work." Mina groaned, gingerly holding her doll. "I wasn't ready to be doing this for about another four or five years."

"Well I suppose we'll have to go find our --- partners." Lily gulped, looking at the Fat Lady's portrait with apprehension.

Lily and her friends entered the common room, and saw the back of Remus Lupin's head from the couch. Expecting all of the Marauders to be together as usual, they made their way over.

Sirius, Remus and Peter were sitting there.

"Where's James?" Lily asked suddenly. It looked weird for the group to be without one of their main members.

"Lily, I didn't know you'd be rushing to him so soon." Sirius said, reclining in his chair.

Lily scoffed, "I was looking for him, for our project."

Sirius brushed the comment away with his hand, "Yeah, yeah. Well, if you're looking for Prongsie, you'll have to wait till tomorrow."

Lily narrowed her eyes, "Why?"

Peter piped up from the corner, "He took a nasty crash to the head … too much excitement for the poor bloke to handle, I'm afraid." He shook his head in a pitiful way.

"What happened this time? Another girl came up to him, to do … god knows what …" Lily wrinkled her nose at the thought.

Remus put down his book and smiled, "No, its just Prongs always seems to do stupid things like that when you're put into the equation."

Lily rolled her emerald eyes, "I really don't care what happens to him, personally. Just tell him that, wherever he is, he'd better hurry up and help me, or he'll get more than just a nasty crash to the head."

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, "Oh what exactly would that be Ms Evans, because I wouldn't mind getting some of it."

Lily pretended to retch into her hand. "I suppose I was stupid thinking that you would ever grow up, wasn't I?" Lily asked Sirius.

Sirius stroked his chin with his hand thoughtfully, "Well, if I hadn't grown up, I would be asking you would I?"

"Why do I even bother?" Lily groaned.

"I don't know. Why do you?" Sirius asked in an annoying rhetorical way.

XXXXX

_Tuesday - January 18th _

Lily always liked going to breakfast earlier than everyone else. It was quiet, it was peaceful, it gave her a lot of time to think a lot of things over. And a bonus was she could go down in her pyjamas, since the teachers weren't usually there. Lily got out of bed, and ran a brush through her red hair. It had grown longer over the summer and now reached her mid-back. Lily had been thinking of cutting it, but she liked the way it looked, so it was staying. She pulled her hair into a messy bun, and slipped her feet into her fluffy white slippers.

Those were her favourite slippers, since they had been hand-made by her grandmother, as a present to her, for getting Prefect back in her fifth year. She also had on her favourite pair of blue plaid flannel pants, and a white spaghetti strap tank top.

Since she hadn't been able to find James the other day, she just did some of the things for the baby herself. She, so far was having the best luck out of all of her friends, with her project. But really, using no magic was hard. After giving it a bottle, and rocking it, in its little bed, it went straight to sleep.

She left her dormitory quietly (since she was Head Girl, she got her own room), and she went into the empty common room. It was only six 'o' clock, and the suns early rays were peaking into the common room, making it glow. Her thoughts filed back to her project. The dolls, were very realistic, and they were very cute looking.

Hers had ringlets of dark brown hair, and big brown eyes. The teacher had told her it was a girl one. Mina had gotten a boy, and Serena had gotten a girl as well.

Lily padded down the empty halls, and the rays of sun, warmed her bare arms. There was only one more flight of stairs left, and Lily, looked down, and then her eyes went over to the long banister going down the side of the stairs. She had always wanted to do this … slide down the banister that is.

But with all the teachers watching she had never really gotten a chance. Lily looked around, no one was there, so she climbed over, hanging her legs off of the sides of the railing, and then pushed off slightly with her feet. The staircase winded at one part, and Lily let out a laugh as she went spinning around. She closed her eyes, as she went flying past some pictures of sleeping knights and dragons.

Mentally she reminded herself to slow down at the end of the railing, or else she would fall, but she was having so much fun, she forget. She slid right of the edge, and just as she thought she would hit the hard stone floor, she landed on something warm, and softer than the stone floor.

For a second, Lily didn't want to get up, but then she opened her eyes, and saw hazel staring back into her. Hazel eyes she knew all too well.

"Potter!" Lily yelped, pushing herself off of him bluntly.

"Evans." James mocked, dusting himself off. "What exactly were you doing?" He asked curiously, eyeing the banister.

Lily blushed out of embarrassment. "Nothing."

James chuckled. "You have to slow down at the end. You won't believe how many times I've forgotten to do that."

"Like last week?" Lily laughed, remembering back to the time James had landed flat on his face, and then Peter had landed on top of him. Funny was a very minimal way to describe the situation.

James looked at Lily from the corner of his eye. Just for a minute, he and Lily had been laughing together. He didn't know if Lily had noticed it, but he did. She still had a slight smile on her face, and James felt his heart flutter. When she laughed, it was like she left herself exposed, so everyone could see what she was really like.

"What're you doing down here so early?" James asked, his hand running through his hair, and ruffling it up.

'I always get up this early, for breakfast. Habit, I suppose, but I like not having the stampede of people." Lily told him, but then she narrowed her eyes, "What are you doing here? And more importantly where were you yesterday?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips, in a stern way.

"Oh … er, well I was in the Hospital Wing." He said, sheepishly, his hand running through his hair again. "Crashed into a wall, and cracked my head a bit." He explained, then he added as an afterthought, "And Skele-grow still tastes nasty, even if it's flavoured as Pumpkin juice."

Lily couldn't help but smile faintly, at his childishness. "Yes, well you're going to have to help me out with the project today, you know?" She made it more of an order than an option or a question.

James flashed her a smile, "Of course … after breakfast."

Lily's stomach took that as the cue to growl. "Yeah, after breakfast." Lily agreed.

After a quiet breakfast, which did have its fair share of awkward silences, Lily led James up to her room, so they could get the project.

"Its in here." Lily motioned to her closed door. She opened it and stepped inside. She was startled when James didn't just dumbfound-ly follow her inside her room. "Er, you can come in if you want." She said uneasily. She couldn't believe that she was bringing Potter out of all people into her room.

"Right." James followed her inside, and looked around. It was more or less like a normal teenagers, room, with all the characteristics of Lily put into it. Some of her things were scattered over the floor, and her bed was unmade, but then her books were organized neatly on a shelf, pictures of her, her friends and family were slotted into the side of the mirror, and her uniform was hanging off of the side of her bed neatly.

"Don't touch anything." She said, stepping sharply over some things on the floor.

"Its over here." She told him, motioning him over, to the baby's bed. James followed her quietly, all the while trying not to touch anything.

James peered over the edge of the crib and saw a little baby lying there with one of its arms tucked under its head, and the other one gripping the sheet. The first thought that came to James' mind was _What if I break it?_ It was so small.

"So … now what?" James asked.

"Now what? Now, we decide who is going to watch it, when, who's going to do what, and we have to name it." Lily informed in one breath, sitting down on her bed.

James came to sit down on her bed, beside her, but she pushed him off, so he had to grudgingly settle for sitting on the floor.

"So," Lily pulled out a sheet of parchment and a quill, "Lets get to business. Name."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Girl."

"How do you know?" James asked childishly.

"You're welcome to check, if you think I'm lying." Lily offered gesturing towards the crib. "You can do that when you're changing her diaper."

James grimaced, "What! _Lily_ … no." He begged as Lily smiled and wrote something down on the parchment. "I don't want to change the diaper … what's a diaper?"

Lily had to use every shred of her sanity to keep from laughing, and she set her mouth in a straight line. " Now, stop wasting time. Names …"

James looked thoughtfully down at the floor, "How about … Quaffle?"

Lily looked at him, utterly bewildered. "Quaffle? You can't be serious --- Quaffle?" She asked again in disbelief.

"What's wrong with 'Quaffle'?" James asked stubbornly.

"What's _right_ about _Quaffle?"_ Lily retorted.

"I like Quaffles." James reasoned obstinately.

Lily snorted, "Yes well you're also the person that liked Vanessa Grim in fourth year, so we're not going by your judgement." Lily said with a smirk.

"I did _not_ like Vanessa, and you know it!" James defended, turning red at the memory.

In fourth year, to get back at James for dying her hair rainbow coloured, Lily wrote him a love note, and told him to meet her in the broom closet on the second floor. In her place she had put Vanessa Grim, who was utterly in love with James (or so she said), and along with being in love with him, she was the most obnoxious girl in the school. It wasn't the fact that she slightly (a lot!) on the dorky side … Lily never judged people by their looks … it was more the fact that she considered discussing History of Magic, fascinating, that made her very weird.

Anyways, when James went in the closet, he had a full snogging session with Vanessa, thinking that she was Lily (because he really couldn't see anything in the dark). And Lily had led everyone of their friends to the broom closet and had flung open the door, to show the two of them snogging each other senseless. Needless to say, no one had ever let James live it down.

"Yes, yes, we all know you didn't like Vanessa." Lily assured him in a bored voice, which clearly told him otherwise. "How about Jasmine?"

"Jasmine?" James questioned, a confused expression on his face, "Oh … you mean the name." Lily rolled her eyes, "Nope, don't like it."

"What? Why not?"

"It's a flower … flowers are not manly enough." James reasoned.

"It's not supposed to be manly … it's a _baby girl_." Lily said throwing her teddy bear at James' head. "Plus it's a tradition for all of the girls in my family to be named after flowers." Lily said in a somewhat more shyer voice.

"So are you saying this is _our_ kid." James asked with an arrogant smirk.

Lily turned pink immediately, from embarrassment. "Shut up. You know that's not what I meant." Lily said angrily. "I would rather eat a tub of Botbotuber Pus than ever have a family with _you_." Lily shuddered at the thought.

James pretended to act hurt, but in the inside … it kind of did hurt. It wasn't easy to always be told that you meant less than nothing to the person you loved. But he put on a smile, and shrugged. "That makes me feel special." He said in a somewhat light voice.

Lily looked up from her parchment. Was it just her, or did his smile look really forced? She shrugged it off. "Seriously, think of a name."

James strained his mind. "Um … what about … Melanie?" He asked.

"Melanie?" Lily repeated, wondering how James had thought of such a nice name. "Yeah, Melanie sounds nice."

"It was my mom's name." James told her nonchalantly.

Lily incidentally picked up on the 'was'. "Was?" Lily asked softly.

"Er … yeah, she died a couple of year ago."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Lily told him sincerely, feeling truly sorry for him. She didn't know what she would do without her mother. And the look of sadness that had passed through his features made her feel sorry.

"Its no big deal. Me and my dad have moved on. Its just kind of weird sometimes." He looked up at her, and saw her face. She really was sorry for him, and that just made him feel a bit better that at least she cared that much. "But thanks … you know …" He trailed off.

"Yeah." Lily echoed. She cleared her throat. "Um well, right. Name, is done." She scribbled something else down on the parchment. "Now duties. So how about I look after her on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and then like half of Sunday, and you can look after her on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and the other half of Sunday. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds fine. But, er, you'll have to help me today … because I have no clue as of what I'm supposed to do." James admitted sheepishly.

Lily nodded. "Just don't annoy me and I'll help."

"I hold no guarantees."

"Yes, well try it on your own first, and see how far you get okay?"

**(Two minutes later)**

"LILY!" James yelled, trying to calm a crying baby. "LILY! LILY! LIL ---,"

"What!" Lily yelled back, running frantically up to him, out of breath.

"Oh good, I thought you hadn't heard me." James sighed in relief.

"Hadn't heard you?" Lily asked fiercely. "No, no, why don't you just scream a bit louder … I'm sure there are some people in China who haven't heard you yet."

"Sorry." James backed up a bit.

Lily fixed him with a beady glare. "What do you want?"

"Melanie's crying."

"You called me over because Melanie is …" Lily shook her head in annoyance, "… never mind. Here, give her to me." Lily held out her arms, and James placed the doll in Lily's arms.

"Watch this, because I'm only doing this once." Lily instructed. She cradled the doll gently in her arms back and forth, and lightly patted its back. The cries slowly diminished, and the room became quiet. "And that's how you do it." Lily said handing Melanie back to James.

"I-I can't do that!" James protested. "I'll squish her!"

"Well, you squish her, then we fail the project, and we don't get the marks. So, I suggest you be careful." Lily called over her shoulder as she left the room. "Oh, and class starts in ten minutes, I think you should hurry up if you want to make it on time!" Lily poked her head back into the room and told him.

"LILY!" James yelled. "I can't do this by myself! I can't ---," He was cut off by a loud farting noise coming from Melanie, and then a horrid smell, followed by Melanie's happy gurgles.

XXXXX

"How's yours going?" Lily asked, looking at the struggling baby in Mina's hands.

Mina made a face, "Horrible. Terrible." She took a breath, "I don't know how I got myself into this, but when this month is over it'll be the happiest day of my life."

"Sirius not a good partner?" Serena asked.

Mina raised an eyebrow, "Honestly, what do you think?"

"Its that bad huh?" Serena asked sympathetically.

Mina nodded wryly, "Sirius knows as much about taking care of this baby, as this baby does." She sighed, "I don't know what I was thinking volunteering for this … it would've been easier to -- ouch --- fail." She winced, trying to remove a fistful of hair that her baby hair grabbed in its hand.

"What about you Lils? Having trouble with James?" Serena asked.

Just at that moment James entered the room with Melanie in his arms crying like crazy.

"Yeah, actually I am." Lily said in an exasperated voice, as she left her friends and made her way over to James who was holding Melanie, arms length away from himself.

"What happened now?" Lily asked, in a frustrated voice.

"Can't you smell it?" James asked, wrinkling his nose, "Its everywhere Lily … I'm scared." He added in a smaller voice.

Lily didn't know whether to hit him or to laugh at him, "Then change her diaper." Lily told him, slowly. "I put everything in the baby bag … you do have the baby bag don't you?" Lily asked, hesitantly.

"That pink one, by my bag?" James confirmed.

"Yeah, you have it right?" Lily asked again.

This time James looked fearful … "Er … no, I … er, thought it was garbage so I threw it out …" He looked at Lily, "Lily … er … Lily, are you okay?" He gulped.

Lily seemed to be muttering to herself under her breath. "Do-you-know-how-long-it-took-me-to make-that-last-night?" She asked between clenched teeth.

"A long time …" James tried.

"YES!" Lily exploded. "You threw it away?"

James was about to shrink. "Yes."

She let out an angered shriek. "I --- you --- wait here. I'll go get another one." She told him, running hurriedly out of the classroom, and to the dorms. She was running as fast as she could so she wouldn't be late for class. Thankfully they had Potions, so even if she was late, Slughorn wouldn't be too upset.

In her dormitory, she rummaged through all of the baby things she had gotten from the teacher and found a diaper and some baby power, and other things, clutched them in her hands, and raced out the door. On her way down, the bottle of baby powder fell from her hands and exploded all over the floor, covering her in it. The bottle of lotion, fell, opened and she slipped and landed in a face full of baby lotion. Seething, sticky, and wet, she entered the Potions classroom with a thud, silencing everything that was going on.

Without saying anything, she walked slowly up to James' desk put down the bottle of baby powder, and lotion, and then forcefully threw the diaper at his face, where it made contact with a soft, unsatisfying thud.

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**If you're reading this, than for 9/10 people, that means you've read the chapter. So could you please, please take the two seconds, it takes to review? It'll really make my day! Thank you, and keep reading.**

**-Jasmine x0x**


	3. The Pear

**Oh my gosh, you guys probably hate me! I am incredibly sorry I haven't updated in MONTHS! I cannot even begin to apologize, and I'm sorry that i left you guys hanging! But i got tremendous amounts of support for this story and also for my other one so i WILL be updating regularly from now on! **

**This chapter is dedicated to all those people who have stuck with this story and are still reading! I am so grateful!**

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"I just don't understand that boy! He just doesn't understand … I don't know how I'm going to get through this month! He … he … oh he makes me so mad!" Lily seethed, stomping back and forth in her room as Mina and Serena lay sprawled out on her bed reading frivolous magazines such as _Witch, Witch? _and _Witch Weekly. _

"Lily it's just a project, you know. Don't have kittens over it." Serena reminded her, over the top of her _Witch Weekly _magazine.

Lily stopped pacing to give her friend a dirty look, which she clearly missed.

"Oh look at him …" Mina swooned, no likely over another Quidditch player, "Look at him Lils, isn't he gorgeous?" She asked holding up the magazine so Lily could get a clearer view.

Lily gave a disgruntled sigh. "Honestly, you two! You do realize that while you're swooning over his picture he's off gallivanting with some other ten thousand witches across Europe."

Serena stuck her tongue out at Lily and sent a pillow flying at her. "Oh stop being such a spoil sport Lils, you know you like what you see."

"I need to get away from you two." The Head Girl shook her head absently. "I'm going to go check on James and Melanie."

"Excuses, excuses Lily. If you want to go see him that badly just say so. We're all friends here."

Lily rolled her eyes heavenward, "Somehow I'm seriously starting to doubt that." She mumbled as she closed the door behind her.

Friday evening had crept upon the tired seventh years of the Muggle Studies class, as a welcomed break from the rough past three days that they had, had to endure. Lily and James had gotten rid of the schedule they had made and decided to watch after Melanie as much as their schedules allowed them to.

Lily walked over to James' room and knocked on the door. No one answered. She turned the door handle quietly and pushed open the door.

The sight that she saw inside the room made her burst out in laughter.

James was sprawled out on his bed, fast asleep while Melanie was crawling around on top of him pulling his nose, tugging on his hair and in her other small hand her was poised one of the markers Lily recognized as one of her own, which Melanie had used to scribble on James' face with.

Lily walked over to James' bed and picked up Melanie, taking the marker of her fist and safely placing it on James' bedside table. Melanie seemed to be quite content, since her diaper was now clean and fresh.

They had kind of gotten the hang of how to change a diaper without magic. It had taken them twelve diapers, 3 bottles of baby powder, 1 jar of baby lotion, 4 washcloths, 2 times James had fallen unconscious, 15 'laugh-your-head-off' type pictures … and a partridge in a pear tree, to learn how to change on successful diaper. Needless to say Melanie had been fast asleep by the time they had achieved success.

James made a grunting noise and rolled over scratching his stomach lazily.

"James …" Lily said timidly, trying to get him awake.

"Get away … mum don't … no Sirius can't have my pancakes …" James muttered sleepily, rolling over to face Lily. His glassed were dangling lopsidedly off the bridge of his nose, and Lily felt a small twang in her heart, like someone had just snapped a rubber band in her chest.

Suddenly she got a very mischievous idea. She got up and placed Melanie on the far end of the room, and found a toy that would keep her occupied for a minute or two. She went back to James bed, pulled her wand out of her pocket and transfigured the marker into …

"… a blow-horn." Lily whispered mischievously.

She positioned the blow-horn right above James' head and …

"PPPPWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

There was a loud scream, lots of tangled sheets and a befuddled and shocked James lying in a heap at the foot of his bed as Melanie giggled happily from the corner, clapping her hands together.

James adjusted his glasses on his face and his eyes moved groggily around the room, until they settled on Lily who was sitting on his bed, her legs dangling innocently from the edge.

"That wasn't funny Lily." James growled, getting up.

"Oh you know it was."

James threw her a look, which was probably supposed to be anger, but he couldn't hide how amused he was.

"Well are you going to help me up?" James asked.

"Not a chance."

"_Lily!"_

"Oh and you might want to check a mirror before you leave your room."

XXXXX

"When is this month over!" Sirius cried in frustration, down in the common room, as he tried to wrestle a jumper onto his baby.

"Its not that hard Padfoot." Remus consoled from the armchair by the fire.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus, "Well excuse me if I wasn't prepared to do this for another twenty years!" He cried, lunging for the little boy as he crawled off the edge of the couch and made Sirius bang his head into the arm of the couch. "Stupid James and his bloody girlfriend! This is all their fault."

Suddenly Sirius found a heavy pillow coming in contact with the back of his head. He saw a redhead spitfire standing over him. "I'm not James' girlfriend!" Lily objected.

Sirius sat up, trying to regain his dignity. "Don't flatter yourself Lily. Who says we were talking about you?"

"I … er … well, I …" Lily spluttered, turning a tinge of pink. "Shut up Sirius." She resolved taking a seat next to him, and placing Melanie next to Sirius' little boy.

"Have you named yours yet?" Lily asked Sirius and Remus.

"We have to name them?" Sirius asked; disgusted.

"Clearly, Sirius, it is after all a baby." Lily clarified, looking at his intense glare.

"Stop nagging me woman! Mina will name it or something." Sirius said, as if the discussion was closed.

Lily sighed and leaned back against the couch, when she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders.

"That wasn't very funny Lily, the marks wont come off." James' voice carried down to her ears.

Lily turned around and saw that James had managed to remove all but one marker line on his face which went diagonally from his chin up to his eyebrow in various sized zigzags. Lily could help but giggle at him and his helplessness.

"Come here. Let me." Lily drew out her wand, and placed one of her hands on his cheek, and paced her wand on his temple.

It felt as if small sparks were shooting through her hand, but in an extremely pleasant way.

Lily cleared her throat as she felt his hazel eyes looking down at her. "Its just a simple cleansing spell." She recited, trying to slow down her blasted heart-rate.

Within a second the marker mark was gone from his face but her hand seemed to want to stay on James' cheek.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look behind their backs, as Lily removed her hand and hastily put her wand in her pocket, tugging at the edge of her red sweater.

"Well I'm going to dinner." She announced, then turning to James, "And you're coming with me so you can see how to feed Melanie."

She was sure that she heard Sirius laugh after whispering "_breast feeding."_ Her guess was confirmed when she saw the base of James' neck turn a slight shade of red.

Lily rolled her eyes and made sure to punch Sirius in the arm before she scooped up Melanie in her arms and carried her out the portrait hole.

"Do you have to make me look like such a pervert in front of her?" James asked, glaring at Sirius.

Remus got up and grabbed Sirius' arm. "Excuse him, he forgot to have his 8am snog with his sweetheart Filch this morning."

Sirius made a horrible gagging noise.

James didn't hear the rest, he was already making his way down to the great hall.

Lily was sitting at the Gryffindor table near the door, and had already set up a really high chair in which Melanie was sitting with a bib on.

Lily had two bottles placed neatly in front of her with. One was filled with a mushy green substance and the other was filled with something which looked oddly like pudding.

"Oh there you are!" Lily exclaimed as she saw James enter the hall. "Pick one." She directed pointing towards the two bottles.

James immediately pointed at the pudding looking one. "That one."

"Good." Lily picked up the bottle and placed in James' outstretched palm. "Have fun feeding her." Lily told him.

"What? Lily! I thought you were going to help me." James reminded.

"Oh, I am. You're going to feed her and I'm going to provide you constructive criticism from here." Lily said, pushing him down onto the bench.

"Why can't you just do it?"

"You see this sweater I'm wearing. Its my favorite! I'm not getting this messy." Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest.

She missed the glint which appeared in James' eye as he eyed her sweater. "Afraid of getting a little dirty are we, Lily?" He asked coyly, unscrewing the bottle behind his back where Lily couldn't see it.

"No actually I'm not afraid of getting messy, its just that I happen to like this sweater a lot and I really would like to keep it baby food free so that I can wear it o--- JAMES!" she was cut off mid-sentence as James' hand came out from behind his back and the open bottle of pudding came flying towards her . It splattered all over her sweater and bits of it got on her face and in her open mouth.

"JAMES I'm going to kill you!" Lily shrieked. "Eww, this tastes horrid!" She cried wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

James on the other hand was banging the table with his fist from laughing so loud, and had also attracted the attention of many other people who were pointing and laughing at Lily.

_He thinks he'll get off that easy?_ Lily quickly snatched the mashed peas bottle off the table and quickly disposed of the lid, grabbed the collar of James' shirt and dumped the icky contents down his back.

That shut him up, as he let out a high pitched shrill scream and fell backwards out of the bench. Melanie giggled from her high chair.

"Lily! You … you … can't do that … you … Head Girl!" He spluttered wiping mashed peas off of the back of his head.

But before he could say anything else, Lily emptied the remaining contents of the peas onto James' shocked face.

The laughter increased ten-fold as James lay on the ground dumb-founded, confused and slightly squashed of pride and dignity.

A small fourth-year ran up and snapped a couple pictures of James with his camera.

"Be sure to put that in our yearbook!" Lily called after him as he ran away to develop his pictures.

James got up off the floor, to find many girls crowded around him.

"I'll autograph any of those pictures for you lovely girls for just a knut each." James said, flashing his boyish smile at all the girls who nodded furiously and ran off behind the fourth-year with the camera.

"Oh no he won't! He's going to get cleaned up and come down to the kitchens with me to get more food if he knows what's good for him." Lily said looking James' right in the eye. And even though her tone was firm, her eyes sparkled with mirth and laughter. James saw that and his face broke out into a lopsided smile which made Lily undoubtedly weak in the knees.

"Come on." Lily said, pulling on his hands, and regaining some of her annoyance for the unruly-haired Head boy. "I have so many marks to gain and only one month to do it. And then there's that Ancient Runes essay, Transfiguration project, not to mention our weekly Herbology observations!" Lily ranted, totally stressed out.

James had no idea how to respond to any of that except for, "KITCHENS! LILY! YOU, ME, NOW!" He grabbed Melanie, took Lily's hand in his and pulled her down to the portrait of the fruits.

"Tickle the pear."

"Excuse me?" Lily asked incredulously.

"Tickle … the … pear." James enunciated clearly.

"What pear!" Lily demanded, looking around.

"The one on the wall!" James shouted,

Lily looked around quickly. "There's no pear on the wall!" She screamed back.

"Look there on the picture!" James said jabbing at the picture with his thumb.

"Why are you shouting!" Lily shrieked at him.

"You started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did to!"

"Did not!"

"You did Lily. Don't lie." James retorted childishly.

"James! Just tickle to bloody pear!" Lily said in frustration.

James handed Melanie to Lily and lightly tickled the pear in the fruit bowl in the portrait. It gave a shrill giggle and the wall disappeared.

Behind the wall was revealed a cavernous kitchen scattered with small house elves who wore a pillow case each, assorted in many different colors and patters ranging from a plain beige, to an outrageous one which told the story of the tortoise and the hare through pictures.

"This is so … cool!" Lily exclaimed.

"You haven't been down here … ever?" James asked, looking surprised.

"No, we're not supposed to be down here … so let me guess, you practically live here don't you?" Lily asked rhetorically.

James cracked a grin, touching the side of Lily's nose. "You know me better than you think."

"Oh please. You're not an easy person to figure out."

"You're just jealous."

"Oh lord forbid the day I become jealous of James Potter, or anything to do with James Potter." Lily muttered loud enough so that he could hear her.

He smiled, and continued walking into the kitchens. Lily followed him with Melanie in her arms. Lily looked at the little girl in her arms and smiled. She had always wanted to have kids, she just never knew she would have ever gotten to experience the trials and tribulations of parenting so early. And with Potter no less.

_At least he's trying. _Lily thought grudgingly; she watched him rummaging through the nearest closets looking for baby food.

"Potter." Lily called.

He looked over at her from above a cabinet door. "You called, beautiful?" He asked suavely.

"Use, _Accio." _

James looked stunned for a moment as if he had forgotten the most simple thing, but then drew out wand and quickly summoned the baby food.

"You're a genius you know, Lily? And quite a good looking one, if I might mention." James complimented smoothly.

"Compliments will only get you so far in life Potter." Lily told him.

"Will they … get me into your ever-loving heart?" James asked, nudging her lightly with his elbow.

"Could Sirius go without snogging a girl for a day?" Lily asked, playfully.

James was determined not to let her win.

"Its possible." He countered.

"Ha!" Lily let out a disbelieving laugh. "I'll see it when I believe it."

James cast her a reproachful look, "Sirius isn't that bad."

"So I suppose all the girls who have come down from the boys dorms, crying, have all had another mysterious reason?" Lily questioned, twirling a spoon absently, with her fingers.

James didn't say anything.

"That's what I thought." Lily stated.

"Its much more than that Lily!" James said suddenly, sounding quite angry. "Sirius has so much more going on in his life that many people here wouldn't be able to survive through."

"Oh, like what? What could be bad enough that he has to _pick, choose and throw away_ girls at his disposal? Girls who think that maybe they are the one for the infamous Sirius Black?" Lily challenged, her eyes sparking.

"Like the fact that his family has just disowned him. Abandoned. He had no where left to go. His uncle gave him some money, but that was spent on school stuff. Lily he has nothing left!"

"So? He still has no right to use those girls as if they're at his disposal."

"He hasn't cheated on one of them! He breaks up with a girl properly before he starts with another one!"

"That's no excuse! One girl per week! Don't you think that's a tad harsh?"

James sighed. "I hate it."

"He … what?" Lily asked, surprised by his change of tact.

"I hate the fact that no matter what happens we always end up arguing."

That sobered Lily up right away.

"I … well… James, I don't mean it … it just." Lily sighed. "We do don't we?" she paused. "But you know what?"

James looked up at her. "What?"

"I don't mind the fact we do. Its just … us. We wouldn't be _Evans_ and _Potter_ without the arguing we do." Lily smirked, picking up Melanie who was tugging forcefully on a house-elf's tea-cozy.

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A/N: I know this isn't the best update ever, but it was 100 necessary to have this bridge chapter in here so more funniness can ensue in the next chapter. Expect an update in 2-4 days! 


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